Duped in Love: When your spouse mysteriously turns into someone you don’t know

John Driggs

“The heart already knows what the mind has yet to perceive” — Antoine de Saint-Exupery Life is hard enough when we and our partners go through life changes. We change careers. We are faced by major health challenges. We age and cannot do what we used to do. All of these normal life stresses pale in comparison to learning that our beloved life mate of so many years is really not the person we thought he or she was. Discovering a secret life in a spouse, facing relationship-threatening changes or simply watching our partner become a mysterious remote stranger is … Continue reading

One Excruciating Minute at a Time

Emily Roiphe Carter

“Pain is mandatory–suffering optional” goes one of the many folksy sayings woven through the 12-Step fabric. This has some basis in literal fact. Neurologists have long known that the sensation of pain and our experience of that sensation as something awful are generated in different structures of the forebrain. However, since being alive requires that different places and structures in our brains create one felt experience, pain and suffering are usually linked. What the saying means is “don’t wallow,” which is reasonable. Even so, sometime in our sober lives we will be hit with a lightning bolt of pain we … Continue reading

College Recovery Programs: Supporting Students Choice for Recovery and Academics

School may still be out for students, but Patrice Salmeri, Director of Augsburg’s StepUP Program in Minneapolis is hard at work ensuring all is ready is for the start of another successful school year. Recently she took time out to answer questions about college recovery programs and Augsburg’s StepUp Program. Collegiate recovery programs (CRP’s) provide support for students in recovery who are seeking a degree in higher education. Colleges with recovery programs provide the infrastructure necessary to support the academic performance of college students in recovery. CRP’s are not new — they’ve been around since the 1970s. Brown University was … Continue reading

When Married Couples Drift Apart

John Driggs

My best friend Nancy was recently blindsided by a big hit that is changing her life forever. I really feel for her. Her husband Stewart, who has been unemployed for the past five years, announced out of the blue that he is filing for a divorce. I was shocked and saddened beyond belief by her news. I mean, here is a wife supporting the household with a successful law practice, extremely grateful that her husband has chosen to be the primary caretaker of their two children. Stewart has always been nuts about the kids and she thought they had a … Continue reading

Cultivating Compassion

I recently visited Louisville, Kentucky, on the wide and muddy Ohio River, six miles from where slaves once swam to the free state of Ohio. The river’s navigation was interrupted here by the Falls of the Ohio, forcing early travelers to portage and offering creative entrepreneurs a site for budding commerce. Gradually a small settlement grew into an elegant city–home of the Kentucky Derby and the Louisville Slugger, an active center for interfaith dialogue and the title Compassionate City. As a Compassionate City, Louisville is committed to champion and nurture the growth of compassion. Louisville is working on several initiatives … Continue reading

Sentimental Education: In the Rooms

Emily Roiphe Carter

It’s an old crack, but when I heard it for the first time, it was the first time I’d heard it: “You don’t need rehabilitation, you need habilitation.” It was true, until I had to get sober I had neglected to learn almost all of the things that most people my age were already doing by reflex. One of these things was sitting in a room with other people without being chemically fortified. Until my first AA meeting I did not know how to comfortably sit in a social arrangement with other humans. I either tried to get all the … Continue reading

Real Places: The Retreat

John Curtiss

As I pulled into the driveway at The Retreat in Wayzata on a rainy, weekday morning, I quickly discovered every parking spot was taken. As I squeezed my not-so-compact car into a not-so-legitimate parking space, my curiosity grew. “Who are all these people here? Why is it so busy? What exactly does this this place offer?” My questions would soon be answered by the caring, enthusiastic staff at The Retreat. History Lesson from John Curtiss To understand what The Retreat is, and why it was created, one needs to know about John Curtiss, the co-founder and president of The Retreat. … Continue reading

In a World Without Empathy

John Driggs

Imagine living in a world where no one is capable of understanding anybody else’s feelings. In such a world, someone could grasp how you feel only if he or she had exactly the same experiences you’ve had. If they hadn’t had those experiences they would have no idea what you are talking about. Consequently, you’d likely feel all alone in your solitary circumstances. Of course then you would have no way to feel loved since the experience of true love is about someone else accepting us as we really are and not for how we match up to their expectations. … Continue reading

Entering Silence

“Nowhere can man find a quieter or more untroubled retreat than in his own soul.” Marcus Aurelius Where do you go when life gets to be too much? When your days overflow with tasks and decisions? When resentments simmer and bubble while violins sing woeful laments? Where do you go? Life ebbs and flows. As tasks overcrowd my hours, the elasticity of a day stretches only so far before it snaps back. Some days everything goes according to my plan and I confidently step out on the ledge of arrogance thinking, “I’ve got it licked now! I can manage my … Continue reading

My Retreat

Emily Roiphe Carter

I am not a woman naturally drawn to serenity or stillness. I am often tangled in the trees and quite unable to detect the shape of the forest. I do not tend to meditate, or exercise with the kind of disciplined regularity required to make up a healthy habit. There is however, a place I can go to escape the world and myself. It’s on video and it’s available in abundance of YouTube. At night, in bed, before I fall asleep, I watch a story about a humble, blind masseur wandering through Edo period Japan: my own personal Jesus—Zatoichi, (Masseur … Continue reading

Wild: Life Lessons from the Wilderness

An Interview with Cheryl Strayed, the author of Wild: Life Lessons from the Wilderness Cheryl Strayed is a Minnesota native, and the author of Wild: From Lost to Found on the Pacific Crest Trail. Wild is the journey of Strayed’s 1,100 mile, three month solo hike on the Pacific Crest Trail and the personal struggles that led to her hike, including the tragic loss of her beloved mother to lung cancer when Cheryl was 22-years-old. Oprah Winfrey selected Wild for her book club, which led to a spot on the New York Times best seller list, and Reese Witherspoon commissioned … Continue reading

Is it Healthy to Live Only for Yourself?  

John Driggs

In all of our lives there certainly are those times when it is very healthy to live only for ourselves. If we are just about to give birth to a child, if our recovery in a hospital from a lifethreatening illness like alcoholism is at stake, or if we are powerless over another family member’s out of control behaviors, it’s rather wise and necessary to focus only on ourselves and our well being. Detachment with love has an essential place in our lives. However, what if we are just going about the business of living and only want to focus … Continue reading

Creativity is a Spiritual Practice

It was the fall our eldest started college. Once we had heard the parent pep talk and were summarily dismissed, I could hardly tear myself away – the excitement of choosing classes from endless possibilities, the beauty of the autumn campus, the opportunity to form fast friendships. I came right home and registered for The Artist’s Way, a class based on the book by the same title, authored by Julia Cameron. I’d never considered myself an artist. I’m from a long line of non-artists. Julia Cameron says, “… creative recovery (or discovery) is a teachable, trackable spiritual practice.” I was … Continue reading

A Brief Taxonomy of Addiction

“Think you’re different”? read the tagline on the poster my first C.D. counselor would point to the second a new patient entered his office. The words, printed in a cheerfully comic balloon-lettered font scrolled over a depiction of thousands of densely massed European lady bugs, bright red with big black polka dots. “I’d relate better” I said “if they were cockroaches” I said. I understood it, though; I was already getting the idea: Find the common ground. Whether in treatment, or in the “rooms,” addicts come together from wildly different backgrounds, cultures, levels of formal education and religious upbringing. If … Continue reading

Unspeakable: When our Adult Children want Nothing to do with us

Unspeakable:  When our Adult Children want Nothing to do with us You know, e v e r y holiday and birthday is like a dagger in my back. Sometimes I just lie on my bed and cry my eyes out. I adopted Maria when she was two-years-old as I couldn’t have children of my own and had no husband. Her mom died of a drug overdose. She was the cutest little girl and loved following me around. I became her everything. Every time I left the room without her she would scream for attention. It took a long time for … Continue reading

Slow Down

By Mary Lou Logsdon     “Winter is a season of recovery and preparation.”  —Paul Theroux Winter is upon us. Daylight is sparse. Dark extends from late afternoon well into morning. The air is cold and houses warm. Long nights encourage long sleeps. It is slow-down-time, mid-winter’s gift. The rush, the energy, the holiday festivities have ended. The silent nights finally arrive. And what a gift they bring! Winter forces me to slow down. If I don’t alter my winter driving I invite a fender-bender that would slow me even more. The prelude to winter walks includes gathering boots, hats, mitts after … Continue reading