I told my friend I thought my life was a waste. She shook her head no. Through my endless use of profanities, and despite my angry outbursts toward her she still believed in me. She kept calling me back to her side. She never abandoned me.
Still, my spirit was raging with fear that my life would never heal from the pain caused by circumstances that were beyond my control, and self inflicted. Then one day my friend’s eyes shone with care, she smiled at me, and for the very first time I heard her gentle words of hope for me. It was then that I suddenly realized how hour upon hour she had sat with me, never giving up the belief that my life would become full and joyful. Now it was my turn not to give up on her, and take hold of what she had been sharing with my mind and spirit all these years.
I do want to live and become whole with the excitement of another tomorrow. I want to give hugs that heal, and feel the same back knowing they come from a spirit of grace. When I am happy or sad I want to know what someone will be there to hold me. When a thunderstorm is alive and thriving I want to go outside and dance with it’s mighty power. When the clouds clear and become white and fluffy I want to remember my baby blanket and how much comfort it gave me. When the moon shines full I want to believe that those who have gone before me are what make it glow. When the stars sparkle high up in the sky I want to be reminded how small I am, but still what great things I can do. When the sun shines, I want to close my eyes and thank my Divine for the warmth that consumes my body. When the breeze blows the leaves upon the trees, I want to sing a song back to them. When flowers bloom in the spring, I want to be grateful for the beauty and renewal they bring to my thoughts. When I see a great body of water, I want to give praise for the life it brings forth. I want to learn that the pain in my soul is also the pain in other souls who try to help me. When someone offers me a helping hand I want to be able to take it and hold it. I want to laugh with hope knowing I have overcome the sadness of my past.
When life becomes difficult I want to sit in a tree with someone I love and talk. I want to view my lost dreams as growth toward a better and new future for myself. I want to put all my sorrows in a place where they can have peace and rest from my mind. I want to see myself as a kind person who understands the struggles and challenges others. I want to listen and respond to my intuition when I am called to do good or painful tasks. I want to know that I am brave enough to forgive all trespasses against me. I want to know and feel that I have the courage to admit my trespasses upon others and ask forgiveness. I want my life to have purpose even if it simply means saving a kitten from a tree. I want to see a stunning sunset that lights my spirit on fire and reminds me how colorful and grand my life has been.
Mostly, I want to thank my friend for holding my life together for so many years with her unyielding belief in my worth. For teaching me, listening to me, and guiding me back into my real self. I know now my life is not a waste. It is a magnificent wonder I fully embrace.
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