We feature an expert in the mental health and substance use disorder field to answer questions. This issue we talk to Rachel Kennedy of Rachel Kennedy Mediation about using mediation as a tool in recovery.
What is mediation?
Broadly, mediation is a way to resolve conflict, often after harm has already occurred. There are many ways this can be done, and not all mediation is created equal, which we will discuss below.
How does restorative mediation differ from traditional conflict resolution methods, and how can it benefit individuals in recovery and their families?
With my experience in mediation, both personally and professionally, the biggest differences I see with the restorative approach compared with more well-known mediation methods are as follows: 1) Typical (“facilitative”) mediation can often feel scary and like an extension of the court room with adversarial undertones. In contrast, restorative mediators go to great lengths to create a comfortable and respectful environment. We promote the values of respect, relationship, and responsibility. Many of us have comfy couches with fuzzy blankets in our offices. Many of us will offer you a cookie or other treat when you walk through our door. We want mediation to feel like a respectful conversation with trusted people rather than an adversarial approach with a “winner” and a “loser.” 2) Restorative mediation places a very high value on autonomy. My view is that the parties have been making decisions for a long time and should continue to do so, rather than turning that decision-making power over to judges, lawyers or others who have no vested interest in your family. I never coerce clients into decisions one way or the other, and I rarely say, “this is what the court would decide.” I’m much more interested in truly listening to what the parties want and guiding them toward a resolution that is in the best interest of the whole family rather than trying to rush an agreement where one or both parties feel unheard and unsure.
This method is especially important in the recovery space. So often families struggling with substance use disorders have already experienced a huge loss of control, and they sometimes have legal entities involved in various ways. My goal in mediation, whether it is for divorce, paternity, the Family Recovery Support Program, or any another family conflict, is to place that decision making power back in the hands of the individuals and support them in their journey to restore peace and come to mutual agreements. In some cases, the agreements can be used in cases with legal involvement as well.
In what ways does restorative mediation address the unique challenges faced by families navigating both substance use disorders and mental health issues?
This can look many ways in many circumstances, depending on the dynamics of each specific family. Some couples divorce in these situations, and there is support for those families which I discuss in other questions. In other families, the person with these struggles is a teen or young adult child living with their parents or a spouse in a situation where both parties wish to stay married, but they need extra support. For these families, I have created the Family Recovery Support Program. This is mainly aimed at clients who are coming out of treatment and returning home, but it can be used at any stage of the recovery process. This is a program where we gather anyone in the client’s personal or professional support circle (family members, close friends, case managers, sponsors, etc.) and facilitate a circle process where the client and others in the home can each have the space and the safety to share their needs, how the other members of the circle can support them, and what they will be accountable for. At the end of this process, I will provide the client and any relevant support people with a Safety and Accountability Plan to support a healthy and sober future, with contingencies for if things do not go as planned, all based on the support of the person’s community. I am passionate about this program, as it is born out of the recent loss of my sister to a drug overdose after a decades-long struggle with substance use.
Are there specific techniques or strategies employed in restorative mediation that are particularly effective when dealing with the complexities of substance use disorders within a family context?
Absolutely. A big piece of restorative mediation is that we utilize an ancient Native American practice called “the circle process” as much as possible to facilitate conversations. Briefly, this means that we sit in a literal circle in my office (or recreate it the best we can when we meet virtually) and we use a talking piece, or a talking order when meeting online. The talking piece is a visual and tactile indication of when we each have the opportunity to speak and the opportunity to listen. It slows down the conversation and allows each person to say what they need to say in a safe and respectful manner. This is helpful in a variety of conflicts, and it can be particularly useful when a family is dealing with substance use disorder. Substance use can bring significant chaos to families and can sometimes cause discussions to become tense, agitated, and loud. Slowing down the conversation and working with the family to reimagine what positive conversation can look like can be life changing and can positively change the family dynamic.
Can you discuss the importance of including mental health professionals in the restorative mediation process, and how their expertise enhances the overall outcomes for families in recovery?
I’m a huge fan of each of us having a supportive community around us, both personally and professionally. Many of my clients, regardless of the reason they are seeking mediation, are in personal therapy. In my opinion, this is only a good thing. Mediation is so different than therapy, though that is not always well understood, which is why I teach an entire class on it. I often have clients come to mediation sessions and share a bit of what they have been working on in therapy since our last mediation session in relation to the mediation process, and I am always so grateful that my clients have that support elsewhere in their lives that allows them to show up as their best and most authentic selves in the mediation space.
In your experience, what are common misconceptions about restorative mediation, and how can these be addressed to encourage more families to consider this approach?
I wouldn’t say there are misconceptions, as much as there is a lack of knowledge that the restorative approach even exists. It is newer to the scene as far as mediation goes, and part of my mission is to spread the word that it exists, and it is a peaceful and effective way to resolve conflict. As someone who is divorced myself, I have often wished we would have had these practices available to us in our divorce process. I truly believe it would have led to a smoother divorce process and a kinder and healthier post decree experience for my ex-spouse and myself, as well as our children.
How does restorative mediation contribute to easing the emotional and psychological impact on individuals going through a divorce, especially when there is substance use disorders or mental health issues involved?
Restorative mediation is a great option for many people going through a divorce. Mediators are able to help people avoid the stress and costs associated with hiring attorneys while walking the parties through all of the statutory requirements the court needs to see in a compassionate and knowledgeable way. In my opinion, experiencing divorce both personally and professionally, this is an incredible benefit to people in terms of supporting them emotionally and psychologically in what can be one of the biggest and most difficult transitions in their life. Divorce is scary enough in the best of circumstances. Having a professional on that journey in a kind and respectful way, particularly when there are additional difficulties like substance use disorders or mental illnesses, is such a supportive way to make that transition.
In what ways does restorative mediation address the unique complexities of co-parenting arrangements when one or both parents are in recovery or managing mental health issues?
This can be a tricky subject to navigate at times. That said, if both parents are willing to engage with the mediation process and come up with a safety and accountability plan that they will both follow, children can really thrive while both parents work together for the good of their children.
Are there specific guidelines or practices within restorative mediation that can assist divorcing couples in reaching agreements related to custody, support, and property division, especially in the context of substance use disorders or mental health struggles?
There are not practices specifically related to divorce in the context of substance use disorders or mental health struggles within the framework of restorative mediation. However, I and some of my colleagues have taken trainings on high conflict mediation through the High Conflict Institute and safety planning in situations of both substance use and domestic violence through the Collaborative Law Institute. In addition, I have an educational and professional background in psychology and working with adults with mental illnesses in a social services setting. The disclaimer is that not all cases can be mediated in a safe and healthy way, and at the same time my history and experience have given me many additional tools in my mediation toolbox to allow me to safely mediate a wide variety of cases. When there are cases that can be mediated but may present more components than a single mediator can handle individually, I have created and trained a team of mediators to handle higher conflict cases in a co-mediation setting.
What are some resources that you can offer to our readers for learning more about the process and finding the right restorative mediator?
I am a part of the Restoring Home cooperative, run by Lisa Welter of The Katallasso Group, which is the home of restorative mediation. Here is some more information to read about restorative mediation: https://www.restoring-home.com/conflict
In addition, we at Restoring Home are holding a conference on April 26, 2024. Some colleagues and I will be presenting on the various ways restorative mediation can be used in our community, including domestic violence, truancy, child welfare, and others. I would like to extend a personal invitation to all Phoenix Spirit readers to attend our conference. Please come up and introduce yourself! https://www.thekatallassogroup.com/conference
Rachel Kennedy is a Rule 114 Qualified Neutral through the Minnesota Courts as well as a founder and the current president of Gathering Hope MN, a non-profit organization dedicated to supporting women and children leaving domestic violence. Rachel lives in the Twin Cities with her children and adorable cat Juniper. Outside of work she enjoys going out with friends to watch live music, learning everything about everything through podcasts and audiobooks, and playing with yarn. She sees clients in her office in Minnetonka and online. You can find more information about Rachel’s work at RachelKennedyMediation.com and GatheringHopeMN.org.
Last Updated on March 7, 2024