I’m Ryan J, a recovering alcoholic/addict.
Born and raised in Minnesota. Raised by both father and mother and with a younger sister. In the suburbs of the Twin Cities.
My childhood was a loving, secure and supportive family. No disfunction to speak of. Supportive and given freedoms that a typical child should have. Breakfast, lunch and dinner. Saturday cartoons. Riding a BMX in the neighborhood with friends to be home when the streetlights came on. Both parents worked to provide for us. There were “wants,” of course! But NEEDS were meet. Education was a priority and encouraged.
My addiction started to show up in high school. With the Friday night partying. Innocent enough. This continued and progressed to college. True weekend warrior style. This is when my alcohol addiction started causing trouble, disruption and legal consequences.
Dropping out of college after 3 years. Due to lack of focus, bad grades, and really wasting time and resources. Plus, the addiction. Shortly after this came my first DWI. Then after that was a recommendation for treatment. A 30 day outpatient program that I completed to satisfy the courts and for no other reason. Fast forward to a broken up mistake of a marriage to an addict. She recently has died of a fentanyl overdose. 6 DWI’s, 10 plus treatments later. Add in depression, resentment, shame, guilt, embarrassment, loss of friends, relationships (romantic and family), trucks, homes, money in the 100’s of thousands, plus self-confidence and self-respect. I hit rock bottom. This would be the bedrock and foundation for my growth.
Forgiving myself has increased my self-esteem, confidence and self-worth. I now can say I love myself.I self-admitted into Transformation House in Anoka, MN. Right on the Mississippi River. It’s a dual diagnosis treatment program. This was different than all the other programs I had completed in the past. This program focuses on the addiction but introduced a new approach to me. Focus on mental health and thoughts and feelings and why they are important for recovery. This was a breakthrough! Because I was used to traditional methods of recovery being 30 days and then you’re cured! Congratulations, you graduate! Now, go get a Sponsor and go to meetings.
The structure and staff truly made a difference for me in sustaining lifesaving recovery. All the counselors are compassionate, fair and hold you accountable. The programs were flexible and my recovery plan was custom made for me. One of the homework packets (so much homework!) I asked for was a spirituality packet. This was a game changer for me. I learned the process of FORGIVENESS. This is where I found what they describe in the Big Book ‘as having a spiritual awakening.’- I learned to process and practice forgiveness with myself and with others. A burden had been lifted that I didn’t know I was carrying around with me. I have since forgiven myself and others. This has strengthened relationships with family. More importantly, forgiving myself has increased my self-esteem, confidence and self-worth. I now can say I love myself. The depression, self-loathing, resentment, and isolation are gone. I have a new sense of purpose in my life. Now I have the confidence, motivation and drive to look forward to the future (one day at a time of course!). So much so that now I feel it is my duty and obligation to give back to the program and community and be an advocate for sobriety and the sober lifestyle. This is often the case when a person fully understands and embodies their new and improved sober life. It’s now part of my core values and in line with the universe. It feels right. I’ll forever have gratitude towards the staff at Transformation House.
I was asked to help develop an Alumni/Recovery Hub at Transformation House as part of the expansion of programs. I jumped at the opportunity and am excited and honored to be a part of something bigger than me.
Here is our Recovery Hub Mission Statement:
Creating a community of significance and belonging. Providing services and resources in an inclusive recovery environment for any and all seeking growth mindset to continue to make a difference in their lives and others. By collaborating with others consistently expanding thought, action and goals.
This is the way.
We’re all really excited to make this available to current clients, alumni and soon to the public. Offering AA, NA, Wellbriety meetings. A Sunday General session for Enhanced Life Skills. Plus yoga classes. Our Grand opening kicks off March 1st of ’24!
Please send your 1st Person story to phoenix@thephoenixspirit.com.
Last Updated on March 6, 2024