I have been in recovery for almost thirty years and have been part of a 12 Step group for the same amount of time. In this article, I would like to share some struggles I have had with the idea of Higher Power – an important concept in recovery through the lenses of the 12 Steps. Possibly you have had similar struggles? My struggles involve some of my personal journeys which led me to the 12 Steps and meetings.
When I first attended a 12 Step meeting a long time ago now, I was first introduced to the Steps. Amid the many confusions I experienced that evening, one of them was hearing God mentioned in some Steps (Steps 3, 5, 6 & 11) and Higher Power in Step 2. Also, confusing was referencing God as a Him (Steps 3, 7 & 11). As I became more comfortable with both the group and the Steps, I found the Steps providing me with a roadmap for recovery as well as a blueprint for living my life in healthy ways. At the same time, I didn’t lose my struggles around God and Higher Power.
A personal note about what I brought to my first meeting before going further. I am and was what I would call a card-carrying Roman Catholic, which was and is very helpful as well as providing some stumbling blocks. I also even went so far as to become a Catholic priest. After a number of years as a priest, I left and married. My wife and I have been married for almost 40 years. Bottom line, I struggled with the meaning of a Higher Power. My Higher Power was God, who was present in a special way in the human person of Jesus. Along the way, I also grew to struggle with referring to God as a Him – too male! What about Her? Possibly you have had some of these same struggles?
I found the Steps providing me with a roadmap for recovery as well as a blueprint for living my life in healthy waysA lightning bolt for me was coming across the book – Not God -a History of Alcoholics Anonymous by Ernest Kurtz (Hazelden Educational Services, Center City, Mn, 1979). In this book, Ernie ( I prefer this to the more formal Ernest) shared a sentence that has proven to be a game-changer for me around the topics of God, Higher Power and Higher Powers. He said “anyone or anything can be our Higher Power, just so it isn’t yourself .” Reading this sentence felt like a door was opened, a light shone in the darkness. So, I took from this that God could be a Higher Power for some – like me; and Higher Power can be others for some people. In all of this, just so the Higher Power isn’t ourselves! I found this conception of a Higher Power helped me to listen and accept others who didn’t share with me God as their Higher Power – those who might have had difficult experiences with a Church or a pastor in growing up or came from families where there were no references to a God.
Kurtz’s thought also opened the door to the possibility that we could have multiple Higher Powers. People I have come to know have shared their Higher Powers as the 12 Step group they attend, a friend, a partner, a sponsor, among others. Others have also shared their Higher is a value – like honesty or compassion. And, of course, in this way of looking at Higher Powers, a Higher Power can also be feminine! My conclusion is that in this day and age with so much swirling around us, we can’t have too many Higher Powers! Agree?
So, my experiences in working the Steps has been life-changing, for which I am very grateful. These experiences have re-affirmed the importance of being open to more experiences of Higher Powers than just a male God. I believe in the 12 Step axiom about membership – the only requirement is to stop our addictive behaviors – whatever these might be. When it comes to Higher Powers – COME AS YOU ARE – YOU ARE WELCOME! And if you are wondering – Ernie Kurtz is one of my Higher Powers! Probably no surprise! And I invite you to name who or what are some of your Higher Powers that support you in your recovery.
Mark Scannell, an avid 12 Stepper, has just published a book entitled Affirm and Nurture: A New Look at 12 Steps. He is open to dialoguing about important recovery topics & can be contacted at gasscann@bitstream.net
Last Updated on July 27, 2024