Over the thirty or so years that I have been in recovery, I have learned many valuable lessons, for which I am grateful.  Some of these are: isolation and disconnections fuel addictive thinking and behaving, while communities where we belong support recovery; triggers to act out – no matter how long we have been sober – can come out of nowhere and threaten our sobriety; feeling shame around what we have done can be very difficult to heal from.  The learning I would like to share in this article is a very important one. That is that recovery and staying in recovery often means learning to change and/or develop new habits.

I came to this realization about the importance and challenges of changing and developing habits as I was reading a book some months ago entitled Tiny Habits by B J Fogg (HarperCollins Publishers, New York, New York, 2019). The book is sub-titled: The Small Changes that Change Everything. The title speaks to the reality that small changes can lead to monumental changes in our lives, which is often the case as we begin a recovery process. Small changes can really change our lives. I believe Fogg  presents some important learnings that can help us as we seek to change habits as well as develop new habits around our recovery. I would recommend the whole book as an excellent companion as we walk in recovery.

I also discovered that it is easier to change when we are feeling better about ourselves.I see habits as really foundational in our lives, and habits develop through repeated actions. That is one of the reasons why it is difficult to change habits. On the one hand, habits allow us to do things more easily as we have done them many times before. On the other hand, because we have done these actions many times, it is hard to break the habits we have been doing for some time. I see this especially as we seek to change the “bad” habits that have been part of our addiction. So, habits can facilitate our actions, and they can be difficult to change. As I moved into the recovery process many years ago, I had to confront that I was not doing very good self-care — I wasn’t doing much by way of exercising and I was not keeping very good boundaries. Recovery meant getting more exercise and being more cognizant around my boundaries with others.

One of Fogg’s insights is that it is easier to change and develop habits when we are feeling good about ourselves. It is more difficult to change when we are not feeling good about ourselves – like feeling ashamed – or feeling like a failure. Fogg suggests beginning small as we seek to develop habits where it is easier to feel successful. Step 1 of the 12 Steps speaks of encountering situations which appear to be unmanageable. This can often happen when we try to develop a habit that is beyond what is possible for us to do, leading us to feel like a failure. So, to keep things manageable, keep things small and manageable as we begin to develop or change habits. Successes more easily build on successes, not failures! As I found my 12 Step group and supportive people, I began to talk about my struggles and in these discussions, I found ways to create much better habits around my addictive tendencies. I also discovered — as Fogg suggests — that it is easier to change when we are feeling better about ourselves

Another element for Fogg in developing habits is a willingness to be accountable to another or others in what we are trying to do. This is another way of staying out of isolation. This accountability could be to a recovery group, a sponsor, a friend, a therapist.  What is important in these accountability relationships is that we are not only able to admit our successes but also when we missed the mark of what we tried to do and not fall into shame.  Being accountable had made a big difference for me, especially in being bale to check in with trusted people about what is happening to me in both successes and struggles. I also have found that when others see me as an accountability person, that challenges me to stay on course in my recovery. I see accountability as a 2-way street — others being accountable to me leads me to be accountable to others.

The last dimension I want to mention is what Fogg believes is his unique contribution to this field of developing habits. That dimension is celebration when we succeed at what we tried to do. He sees celebration as part of re-wiring our brains for further changes. Fogg believes that it is good to use our bodies in celebrating successes and to celebrate as soon as possible after we have succeeded at what we were trying to do. I have found speaking and using my voice in celebration as well as moving my body as being very helpful. I also have found I celebrate when I share my successes with others. I enjoy celebrating with others and others inviting me to celebrate with them.

In summary, then, in developing and changing habits, keep the changes we desire manageable, be willing to be accountable and celebrate our successes. Nothing is too small to celebrate! I believe Fogg’s research is very helpful as each of us seeks to change and develop good habits that will help us move toward sobriety and help us remain there.  He presents a way to change bad habits into good habits — so essential for recovery.

Mark T. Scannell, an avid 12 Stepper, has been in recovery for almost thirty years. He has written numerous articles and a number of books on addiction and recovery issues. His latest book is: Affirm & Nurture: A New Look at 12 Steps (Gasscann Publishers, Minneapolis MN, 2024). 

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Last Updated on November 20, 2024