Imagine walking into a living room filled with overturned furniture, strewn belongings and piled-up bills. A close-up shot reveals shards of glass surrounding a family photo. You look up to see an elephant standing before you, looming amid the ruins.
This scene isn’t the aftermath of a break-in or a tornado. It’s the premise of an upcoming public service announcement (PSA) from the Minnesota Alliance on Problem Gambling. The PSA highlights the devastating impact gambling disorder, also known as gambling addiction, can have on the loved ones of those struggling. The “elephant in the room” symbolizes an unspoken reality: Gambling addiction remains shrouded in stigma and shame. Even those closest to the harm may not grasp the extent of the damage.
The National Council on Problem Gambling (NCPG) designates March as Problem Gambling Awareness Month (PGAM) to raise public awareness and promote prevention, treatment and recovery services. This year’s theme is “Seeking Understanding,” which emphasizes the need to build empathy and recognize gambling disorder as a serious public health issue. In Minnesota, we can deepen that understanding by addressing the challenges faced by spouses, children, friends and colleagues of those navigating gambling disorder.
Now is an opportune moment to foster these conversations. As the state legislature deliberates legalizing sports betting, its impact on concerned others is often overlooked. Any expansion of gambling, like sports betting, will draw in more players – and more affected individuals will likely need support.
Senate Finance Committee Chair John Marty convened a hearing at the start of this year’s session to outline the economic, health and social harms of sports betting. The hearing sought to elevate local voices who’ve seen how gambling addiction has disrupted their personal and professional lives.
Lauren, a 37-year-old Duluth mom, bravely shared written testimony about how her gambling addiction, which spanned eight years, changed her relationships. She wrote, “Gambling became my best friend – my addiction mattered most.” Though she acknowledged going six months without placing a bet, she was still working to rebuild connections with her family, former colleagues and community. Guilt and shame still color those relationships in her recovery.
“Gambling became my best friend – my addiction mattered most.”Lauren took drastic measures to chase the highs from gambling, including relying on others’ money to fuel her betting. She stole from friends, her parents and even her daughter’s piggy bank. She tried to sell her parents’ wedding rings and tools to pay off debts. She asked her grandmother to co-sign her private school loans, securing a direct stream of funds to play. And because Lauren gambled alone at the casino, she was able to cover her tracks for a long time. Yet the deceit and desperation caught up with her.
Problem gambling also can have far-reaching impacts on colleagues and the workplace, straining relationships and eroding trust. Unchecked gambling problems can lead to diminished job performance and absenteeism. In some cases, employees may resort to ethical violations to sustain their addiction. For Lauren, her remote position during the COVID-19 pandemic provided more time to gamble, accelerating her addiction. She played slots while answering work calls. When she needed more money to play, she forged business checks. The fallout severed professional relationships and had ongoing legal consequences.
Ultimately, gambling problems take an economic toll on our communities. NCPG estimates the national social cost of problem gambling is $14 billion. This total includes healthcare spending and gambling-related criminal justice costs, such as investigating, prosecuting and incarcerating individuals charged with embezzlement or theft. Excessive gambling can result in eviction and bankruptcy, which ripple through society.
Much like an individual struggling with gambling, concerned others can experience a distinct progression:
- Denial: A concerned other dismisses the severity of the gambling. They normalize the behavior and even share in winnings like payouts or trips. The concerned other accepts remorse from the gambler and “picks up the slack,” ignoring their own concerns.
- Stress: As tension builds in the relationship, the concerned defends the gambler or tries to control their habits. During this phase, the concerned other might shield the gambler from consequences by paying their late bills.
- Exhaustion: Mental and emotional fatigue sets in, resulting in resentment, rage and panic. The concerned other feels overwhelmed and struggles to think clearly or cope. Physical symptoms may emerge.
- Hopelessness: As the relationship deteriorates, feelings of despair and shame take over. The concerned other may withdraw. Depression and suicidal ideation can occur in this stage, as divorce or estrangement becomes a possible reality.
The hidden nature of gambling addiction often shocks concerned others. Many express disbelief that a loved one drained accounts or maxed out credit cards.
There is hope at any stage, even if a gambler isn’t ready for help. MNAPG has partnered with Lutheran Social Services Financial Counseling to offer up to six free, confidential financial counseling sessions. Concerned others can meet in person, by phone or online to assess their finances, make a budget plan and discuss long-term goals. Families can also access in-person or virtual counseling through an approved statewide provider, generally at no cost. Free support for anyone impacted by gambling is available 24/7 at the Minnesota Problem Gambling Helpline: 1-800-333-HOPE. Find all these resources and more at MNAPG.org.
Minnesota Alliance on Problem Gambling (MNAPG), Minnesota affiliate to the National Council on Problem Gambling, is a non-profit, gambling-neutral organization dedicated to improving the lives of Minnesotans affected by problem gambling. MNAPG is a coalition of individuals and organizations sharing the belief that problem gambling is a serious public health problem that is both treatable and preventable.