The title of this article is probably a phrase you have said and heard many times as it comes from one of my favorite prayers – the Serenity Prayer. The Serenity Prayer is often a stable of many 12 Step groups either as a way to begin a meeting and/or to end a meeting. I was so enthralled by this prayer that a number of years ago I wrote a book on this prayer, in which I suggested adding Gratitude to the prayer. In this article, I want to share some reflections on the request for wisdom in order to know what to do next in our lives of recovery.

This line in the Serenity Prayer follows upon asking for serenity to accept what we can’t change as well as the courage to change the things we can. My sense is that this is the on-going dilemma for us day after day – when to be quiet and still, accepting what is, and when to speak and act, seeking to change what is. What strikes me through the lens of this prayer is the on-going need to be discerning what is next for us. This is where wisdom enters the picture.

For me, wisdom is more than just knowledge – knowledge gained from classes taken, books read, papers written, grades earned. Wisdom is the fruit of all of these things plus our real-life experiences. I see wisdom as what emerges as we reflect on our life experiences and it often answers the question: “What has my life taught me about living?” This type of wisdom also can emerge in our discussions with others in which we continue to learn about life. In this regard, it has always interested me that the Latin root for a disciple is the verb “disco,” which means “to learn.” From this perspective, a disciple is always a learner, and this is especially true as we seek to discover wisdom that can help us decide what to do here and now in order to become wise women and men.

And so then what are some of the ways to search for wisdom? One of the ways I have discovered wisdom is through memories. I believe that we all have experiences that have provided a connection with what gives meaning to our lives, as well as others which have led us to disconnects with what gives meaning to our lives. Let me share a personal experience. Many years ago, I was prepared to attend a university in pursuit of an advanced degree. As I was preparing to begin, I received a phone call from the university, informing me that I was not accepted as I lacked certain pre-requisites. I said I thought that had been addressed, and they said no. I was crushed! I began to panic about what I would do next. Fast forward a number of years when I looked back upon this rejection, and I saw that it was the beginning of a way of life that unfolded after the rejection and for which I am most grateful. The wisdom, the learning? Disconnections and even rejections can become new beginnings, new roads to explore and take. Our memories contain much from which we can learn, especially if we find ourselves at a crossroads, not sure which road to take.            

Disconnections and even rejections can become new beginnings, new roads to explore and take.

Another source of wisdom can often be found in the wisdom of a trusted person with whom we can share our dilemmas about what to do. This trusted person can be our partner, a friend, a sponsor, a therapist or spiritual guide, etc. I have found an important quality of such a trusted person is someone who is a good listener and not someone who is quick to give answers. Such a person often asks powerful questions, questions that don’t easily lead to a yes or no answer. This trusted confidant can help us to see dimensions to this dilemma we don’t see. This person, then, can be a wisdom source for us in opening up new perspectives that we can’t see on our own.

The last source of wisdom I want to mention in this article—and there are many more—is listening to ourselves. This is akin to Step 11 where we pursue prayer and meditation to remain conscious and aware. This might be as simple as slowing down and becoming aware of our breathing and breathing deeply and becoming aware of what comes into our awareness. Again, a personal example is that I often begin my prayer and meditation by asking for guidance from my Higher Powers about what I am facing. Responses can come from awarenesses that come to me as I pray and meditate or afterward in what someone might say to me that responds to what I was searching for in terms of what to do.

In conclusion, the search for wisdom for us in recovery is always on-going as we are continually faced with dilemmas in what to do next; in relation to our recovery from our addiction, as well as what would be the wise thing to do as we are facing a situation that is baffling. The good news is that the wisdom we are searching for is really within us. I pray that you will discover this wisdom that is within you; such wisdom is a difference-maker!