Trying to care for a selfish person is like traveling into a black hole looking for love. The more you do it, the more you lose yourself. Eventually you disappear and perish in agony. —Anonymous Nothing pains me more in my mental health practice than witnessing a well-intentioned person trying desperately to be loved by …
Author: John H. Driggs
When Rules Can’t Be Broken
Having too many rules is just another way of saying: “I don’t trust anybody to love me.” “I’ll never forget my father’s funeral. It was tragic beyond words. Several people came to our family church to say goodbye to Bill. He had been a dutiful member of our community and responsible breadwinner of our family. …
Staying in Charge While You Honor Your Children’s Identities
Are parents really in charge of their families today? Most parents would say, “Of course we are!” The more honest answer is, “Probably not.” Popular media, peer culture and our very own beloved children themselves often run our families today. Don’t get me wrong. We parents really do love our children. It’s just that we …
Doing a Disappearing Act
“Where was I? I’m here. At least I think I’m here. Wasn’t I?” —Josh, multiple tour Marine Veteran, Iraq War Most of us grasp that people exposed to overwhelming horrors may feel that life is just not nailed down for them. A part of them lives in a seemingly rewarding present world while another part …
Life in the Fast Lane: When You Don’t Know What You’re Missing
When I was a boy, my sister and I always looked forward to jumping in the family car and going with our parents clear across the country for our annual vacation. We’d finally get time alone with them, a rarity in our house due to their busy teaching schedule. Actually, the trip was a bittersweet …
What We Can All Do to Lessen Gun Violence
“He who lives by the sword, dies by the sword.”— Matthew 26:52 As you probably are aware, gun violence affects us all and is an epidemic in our society. It is a major problem in America much more than in other developed countries. However, most of us are overwhelmed by the daily violence, overnight murders, …
Why Can’t We All Get Along With Each Other?
Most of us pick fights with others to cover up the wars we have with ourselves.—Anonymous Our country and the world really are in trouble. These days there are almost daily shootings in the news. School board meetings, public health discussions and state budget debates, and inexplicable road rage incidents occur daily and can be …
What to Do When the Sky is Falling
Oh no! The sky is falling! Oh no! The sky is falling! — Chicken Little to the Little Red Hen So what happens to Chicken Little? He and his pal, the Little Red Hen, decide to fetch their friends—Henny Penny, Cocky Locky and Goosey Loosey—and go tell the King that the sky is falling. Along …
Letting Your Adult Children Walk All Over You
Oh you just wouldn’t believe all the heartache Bob and I have had over our daughter’s wedding! We were shocked when our darling Debbie, who is 30, told us that she didn’t want to have her dad walk her down the aisle, she didn’t want any flowers to recognize special relatives including my mother who …
The Invisible Trauma of Emotional Neglect in Childhood: What You Can’t See Can Hurt You
“Whoever is delighted in solitude is either a wild beast or a god.” —Francis Bacon Solitude is not the same thing as loneliness. All of us need times when we are just alone with ourselves. Perhaps we use that time to reflect on ourselves or just get away from the noise of the world. We …