Some children grow up playing a special role in their families. They’re expected to emotionally manage an unstable and selfish parent for the sake of the family. In return for such caretaking, they’re given praise by the needy parent but are secretly hated by their siblings for getting extra attention. Often such children are chosen …
“It’s not the pretending, but the pretending that we are not pretending that hurts us.” — Sheldon Kopp, psychoanalyst and author Most of us at least intellectually understand that real love is different from exploitive caring. Caring for someone because of what they do for us is not the same as caring for someone because …
Imagine living in a world where no one is capable of understanding anybody else’s feelings. In such a world, someone could grasp how you feel only if he or she had exactly the same experiences you’ve had. If they hadn’t had those experiences they would have no idea what you are talking about. Consequently, you’d …
So many of us are afraid that this national election will not turn out right and that we will be stuck electing a leader who both promotes hate and decries democracy. With good reason, we endlessly obsess about national polls and the latest news regarding the election. We lose a lot of sleep over this …
Hidden shame is a powerful emotional and physiological reaction. It fills our being in covert ways. It can cause us to become violent or withdrawn from life and it can prompt us to bring out the better parts of ourselves in ways we never expected. It is both a curse and a blessing. Typically we …
For some time, I have been thinking about perfectionism – my own as well as the people I have met in almost thirty years of recovery. The image that comes to me about perfectionism led to the title of this article. Perfectionism can often be a curse! I see the drive to be perfect as …
“Joy is the simplest form of gratitude.” Karl Barth I have been remembering joy—the exuberance of youth, the thrill of nature’s beauty, the energy of feeling connected. I have missed joy, her delight with both the spectacular and the ordinary. Anxiety, fear, and doom have permeated the last several years. They roll in like a …
“One can waste years this way, systematically postponing precisely the things one cares about the most.” ― Oliver Burkeman Another year dawns. Here in the northern hemisphere, we begin the year in darkness—our earth’s fallow time, rest time, quiet time. Yet I hurry to make lists to accomplish, to acquire, to get somewhere rather than …
“Watch your thoughts, they become your words; watch your words, they become your actions; watch your actions, they become your habits; watch your habits, they become your character; watch your character, it becomes your destiny.” ― Lao Tzu It may strike you as odd that persistent thoughts can be dangerous for your well-being or the well-being of …
“Oh yes, I’m the great pretender, Pretending that I’m doing well, My need is such I pretend too much, I’m lonely but no one can tell…” —From Buck Ram’s “The Great Pretender” These days too many of us lack an identity. We may say we are our own persons and claim to be independent. Yet …
