Growing Up With Emotionally Detached Parents

emotionally detached parents

I live with my girlfriend in what you might call a mutual arrangement. It’s about all we can handle. Neither one of us wants to be married. We’re both successful career people. It works for us. That is until recently. Last week my girlfriend said she would like to have a baby. I half facetiously asked her, “Well I suppose you want one with me?” Many of her women friends were having their first child and she felt like odd person out. Now raising a child is at the bottom of my list. Neither one of us is into cuddling, … Continue reading

Harboring Hope

“Hope inspires the good to reveal itself.” Emily Dickenson If I were to create an image of hope I would picture it as the water wings children wear to keep afloat. I see young children swim across a pool with the aid of these inflatable arm bands. It is not the device that holds the beginning swimmer, it is the air inside. When the air is gone, the water wings are useless. Hope is like the air in the water wings. I can’t quite see it but I sure know when it’s not there. Some days it feels like my … Continue reading

So Just How Important Is a Simple Act of Kindness?

John Driggs

Love is something if you give it away, Give it away, give it away. Love is something if you give it away, You end up having more. It’s just like a magic penny, Hold it tight and you won’t have any. Lend it, spend it, and you’ll have so many They’ll roll all over the floor. — Melvina Reynolds, first verses of the Magic Penny Song, 1949 Most of us think our small act of caring for a neighbor was no big deal, it was just the right thing to do at the time. Few of us even see our … Continue reading

The New New Year

“Do not wait until the conditions are perfect to begin. Beginning makes the conditions perfect.” – Alan Cohen The cold of January hardly feels like a new beginning. The symbolic child heralding the new year looks more vulnerable than strong. Yet this lull between the holidays and spring’s new buds is a great time to reflect on what has been and what might lie ahead. My vacations often take me on hikes along mountain trails. I begin with energy and a plan. The early hours lead me through green, lush grasses and shrubs, where it is hard to see beyond … Continue reading

When We Live Without an Observing Self

John Driggs

The oblivion we once hid from danger has now become our invisible prison. — Anonymous Have you ever said “Why can’t he see what he is doing? Isn’t it obvious to everybody!” or “Gee I never saw it that way before. Maybe you’re right” Most of us have moment of cluelessness, especially in matters pertaining to ourselves. However when we are continually out of touch with seeing ourselves or not aware that we don’t see ourselves very accurately we have a serious problem on our hands. If this is the case for you then you are certainly in good company. … Continue reading

Enkindling Kindness

“Be kind. Everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” Plato I have started tracking kindness – noticing her as she gently touches the ordinary of my day. I see her at the bus stop as the first grade big sister greets the eager-to-have-her-home little brother. I see kindness in the neighbor who mows two lawns beyond her own. I see her in the gentle touch of the care-givers at the senior housing when residents gather for weekly prayer. Kindness can be simple and fleeting – a quick recognition, a knowing smile, a gentle touch. Kindness can also be robust … Continue reading

Bookshelves

“If you have a garden and a library, you have everything you need.” Cicero I resist joining the e-book fascination. I like my page turners with real pages, my underlines with real pencils and my coffee spills with real stains. I like the touch, the heft, the physicality of a book. Besides, books aren’t just to read. Some hide dried auburn maple leaves, a birthday horoscope from years past, a Chinese fortune too good to let go. Like my garden, my books multiply and grow, expanding into whatever space I give them. Unfortunately, I am in my thinning years–thinning my … Continue reading

When Good-Hearted Men Marry Selfish Women

“The Knife and the Wound Both Need Each Other.” — Sheldon Kopp, Psychoanalyst and Writer I’ve been married to Laura for 25 years and I’ve never been able to please her. We go for a period of time with things going well between us. Then out of the blue she gets bent out of shape over some imagined worry that preoccupies her. I understand that I may not be the most sensitive husband at times but Laura goes nuts and exaggerates how bad things are between us and rants for hours. She slams doors and usually wants nothing to do … Continue reading

I Can’t Go On. I’ll Go On.

Coiled. Mortal. The only thing I knew was that it was bright and I could hear the sounds of clattering wheels rolling over a tiled floor and people talking. Johnnie had his arm around me, holding me up while I walked. The usual feeling of realizing you’re dreaming or arriving back into reality after a black out; you’re just in the middle of some situation or other with no knowledge of, or interest in, what happened before this exact moment but this wasn’t exactly that so I said to him “what’s happening” and immediately his eyes got soft and his … Continue reading

Keep on Learning

 “We are by nature observers, and thereby learners. That is our permanent state.” —Ralph Waldo Emerson Fall is heralded as the season of new learning–time to put on the mantle of student for the return to school. While I love taking classes, trying new things and enhancing my skills, I am not limited to the school year. Summer offers rich learning opportunities, too. The natural world is a wonderful teacher. I walk through the woods noticing nature recycling, replenishing and renewing itself. The downed decaying tree becomes a “nurse log” full of spiders and insects that provide food for birds … Continue reading