There are many different ways to look at what helps us choose a way of recovery as well as maintaining sobriety — whatever be our addiction. As I continue to reflect upon what I have learned in my journey to recovery, it is the importance of others with whom I have been blessed to journey. For me it has been a 12 Step group; for others, it may be individuals or groups with whom there is trust. I see the importance of not only finding groups that will support us but also experiencing the encouragement from them to make choices. In this article, I would like to reflect upon the importance of making choices in our own on-going recovery.
What continues to happen in recovery for many of us is that events continue to occur which trigger our addictive thinking and acting. We live in a world of triggers! Someone offers us a drink and we know a drink would taste so good and one drink leads to another and to another. Someone gives us a bag of donuts as a gift, and we eat one and can’t stop eating the whole bag until all of a sudden, our eating is out of control. We stumble upon pornography on our computer, and we can’t resist looking at more images. The addictions vary; the results are often the same — we are back into our addictive thinking and acting.
Is there an alternative? I believe that there is. Before exploring an alternative, I do want to share a belief that if I have a slip — returning to addictive acting — it is not the end of the world. I believe slips and being re-triggered are a real part of recovery. No one is perfect! We need the support of others to acknowledge what happened and to keep going on the road to recovery. Nothing is gained from drowning in shame for what we did or what happened! Support people are like lifeguards when we find ourselves at times in deep waters and not able to swim.
So, now to the alternative that I mentioned earlier. The alternative that I see is committing to making choices about what is important in our lives with the support of others. In this regard, I have been struck by Step 3 of the 12 Steps: Making a decision to turn our wills and our lives over to the care of God as we understand God. This Step raises what I see to be the alternative to being triggered again and again and returning to addictive behaviors — it is about making choices and decisions. This means reflecting upon questions such as: How do we want to live? What do we value and believe in for our lives? What gives meaning and purpose to our lives? These questions — as well as others — help us make choices about what we want to do – and not just be about reacting to triggers again and again.
There is an expression, “willpower,” that I think enters into this discussion with a few additions. I think that I and many others tried to achieve sobriety through willpower – which often failed. I see willpower as pointing to the power of the will to make good choices with the help and support of others. So, I am suggesting that “willpower” needs to include the “power of We.” As we decide and choose, we need the support of others to help us. Some have said that the most important word that re-appears in many of the 12 Steps is WE – like in Step 3. An important part of recovery, then, is finding WE’s to be part of. I believe that isolation feeds addiction, while community – the WE – feeds recovery. And a “WE” is any group more than me! Also, another way to view this is to view WE from the perspective of the French word “oui.” “Oui” means “Yes.” WE and “oui” speak about the importance of groups that support us in making choices and enabling us to say “Yes” to what gives meaning and purpose to our lives. Making choices is really about everything – from small things to big things. Our choices become clearer as we talk with trusted folks and get their feedback. We begin to learn that there are alternatives to our addictive substances and processes.
In conclusion, I see one of the ways, then, to look at the heart of recovery is the ability to make choices with the support of others as well as supporting others in their decision making. I hope you have people in your life that support you in your seeking to make good choices and decisions — continuing to say “Yes” — about what you want to do in your life and in your recovery.
Mark Scannell is an avid and veteran 12 Stepper who believes in the power of the WE in recovery. He is open to dialogue about this and other recovery topics and can be reached at gasscann @ bitstream.net.
Last Updated on March 30, 2024